with Lorelle and Brent VanFossen

What I Want for Christmas?

My parents and a few friends are asking me what I want for Christmas. Shoot, I have such a hard time finding presents for THEM, how in the world am I supposed to come up with ideas for myself? So it got me thinking. Now, if I had a body like Britney Spears or Jennifer Lopez, then I’d tell the whole world that I want nothing but gift certificates from Victoria’s Secret. Having spent the majority of my life as a bra size 38 KKK (yes, that is a bra size and not the nasty group of American terrorists) until I got my breasts cut off and down to a decent single letter size, I lust for gorgeous lacy bras. I still can’t wear the things, but I can now wear more colorful and interesting bras as a D cup. I long to be a C cup, the perfect little tit size. Oh, I’m not confessing anything secret here. My whole family and all of my friends know this about me. It is only recently that the underwear companies of the world are paying attention to big boobs. So top of my list would be, if they made them in my size, gift certificates from Victoria’s Secret. But since I’m day dreaming here, this is a fantasy. Besides, there are no Victoria’s Secret stores in Israel. Not much help, am I?

Honestly, for the past few years, I have everything I could ever possibly want or need. And if I want it, I go get it. Not that we are rolling in the money, oh, no. After years of surrounding myself with STUFF, coming out my ears with the STUFF, getting rid of it all and hitting the road was more than just a great relief on the back and shoulders. It has freed up my head and my thinking about STUFF. It didn’t happen overnight, and it is an ongoing process, but the “getting” has seriously been replaced with the contentment that comes with having and not needing. I’m now into the giving, but not even the giving of stuff (though that can’t be completely ignored, though I would like to). It is now more about the giving of self, altruism, if you will. It is what I give of myself to others in the short time I spend with them that makes a difference in the quality of my own life. Hopefully, it does a little good in the life of others. They tell me it does, but that’s their problem. Mine can only be in what it does for me in the process of the doing. Make sense?

So what do I want for Christmas? World peace? What a crock. I have now reached a mellow age where I have seen enough of the world and enough of the world of man to know that where man stands, peace will not reign. Or to put it more bluntly, as George Carlin says, “My God’s dick is bigger than your God’s dick.” The guy with the biggest dick wins and every guy has to be comparing dicks with each other, and if they don’t match up, kill them. Looking for some humor, I turned to an old favorite, George Carlin, downloading a few great classics from Kazaa since I had to leave my CDs and tapes behind in the states. I adore his cynical perspective on the state of the world. His claim that the greatest cause of death in the world throughout history is God is so true. Living here in the unholy land of Israel, I see the evidence everywhere.

Even now, Osama Bin Laden and his crew are fighting over the perceived melt down of the Islamic faith, blaming the Satan United States for its demise. I don’t know what one has to do with the other, but then I was never an expert into reading the minds of twisted brains. The Bosnia War, now almost forgotten by the world, was fought by neighbors over a threat of “my god over your god”. Over and over we hear the propaganda so cleverly put out that the number one threat to world peace is Israel. Huh? I’m sorry, but I’ve been living here for four years and the only ones Israel has ever threatened, and actually did something about it occasionally, were its neighbors who were getting ready to bring the “wrath of God” down on their heads and “drive them into the sea”. Israel ain’t threatening the US. They ain’t threatening Korea or Turkey or Pakistan or China. They ain’t even thinking about doing anything about Taiwan. Their citizens certainly didn’t fly any planes into the Trade Center, and they aren’t out playing suicide bombers with civilians anywhere in the world. All Israel wants to do is live in peace among the millions and millions of people who hate them, and they have a long record of doing just about anything it takes to keep that peace, including giving up tons of land won in war and a lot of other concessions, just to have what peace they have today. So how can Israel be a threat? Ain’t it the millions of Arabs who want to drive them out of a land they haven’t had control over for over 5000 years?

Jews have always lived in Israel, for over 5000 years, making their way under the variety of dictators under various foreign governments that ruled over the Arab lands. So much fighting over such a little tiny piece of land. Look around and you will find very few Arab relics and archeological evidence of Arabs living here. Mostly you will find tons of Crusader, Greece, Roman, Turk, and Jewish archeological sites. The few Muslim sites are only a couple hundred years old or so. Either way, it isn’t a matter of who is right or wrong. The UN established the area with the permission of the British, and Israel exists. You don’t see the Arabs fighting over Jordan’s right to exist, or Iraq or any of the other countries “manufactured” and established by foreign governments in the past. Jordan never existed as a nation, not even as a tribe until the British established Trans-Jordan, the area of land that included both sides of the Jordan River. I don’t see suicide bombers attacking Jordan for being made a state just about the same time as Israel.

I get confused on this issue. Anyway, haven’t Christians done more to kill millions of people on behalf of their god than just about anyone else. I’d see them as a bigger threat to world peace than Israel. So is it god that makes men fight, or is as good an excuse as anything to justify man’s need to bust a few heads? I don’t know. But I do know that asking for world peace is a joke. Until there is peace in the hearts of man, there can be no peace in the world – anywhere.

So peace is out. What else could I possibly want? Since buying my Palm Tungsten T hand computer, I now have access to thousands of books just waiting for me to read, which thrills me to no end and saves tons of space in our little apartment, not to mention all the trees saved from being made into paper. I want snow, but that is hard to mail, even with the fast mail service available today. Keep working on that, guys. I got plenty of clothes, and I only have one style of shoe I wear, of which I now have a great collection. Oh, I still have my hiking boots, though I’ve worn them two times in the last four years. I don’t even wear tennis shoes now. Just my Source sandals. Love those things. Let’s see, what else? I bought tons of fabric over the past couple years for my sewing projects, though I haven’t had time this fall for sewing like I normally do. So that’s out.

Cook books. I have a new enthusiasm for cook books now that I’ve learned how to cook and how to read a recipe. That is something I could do more with, but I like buying my own so I get things I’m interested in cooking and not just a jumble of books. I love the picture cook books that not only show you in great visual detail how to make the food (I have trouble cooking something from a straight printed recipe without a picture to tell me how it “should” look when I’m done), as well as the travel-oriented cook books that show you the history of the area and the reason behind the foods and spices. Again, those are personal things. I’m just lousy to shop for, aren’t I?

Okay, I’ll do more thinking on this subject, but I do have to tell you that on my list of things I HAVE TO HAVE when ever we go to the states are things like AA and AAA batteries, REAL zip lock bags, real Q-Tips, and Root Beer. Oh, I miss Root Beer. And cheese. Good hard, aged sharp cheddar cheese. Oh, yeah. Root Beer, sharp cheddar cheese, and Victoria’s Secret (Okay, I’ll settle for Lane Bryant on my fat body)….now that is something to day dream about….

Tel Aviv, Israel

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